what to do...

So mark called me half an hour ago.  Before we broke up, I was supposed to take his cat Penny Lane while he was in New Hampshire... but we broke up.  I told him I was ok with having her or not.  It was up to him.  He was going to have his parents take Penny but I guess they didn't want her.  Mark called today to see if I still wanted to take her in... kinda not cool because I had the leasing lady rewrite the lease to only include my roommate's dog.  I love his cat but I dunno if it's a good idea.  I finally reached a happy place and taking her in might make things complicated... or maybe I'm over thinking it.

BTW, I'm still in my happy moment =D

some poetry

Yesterday was a GREAT day.  I appreciate life, friends, and all the lost love... because life goes on.  GREAT day.  Here's 2 poems... ish.

I hurt you in so many ways.
I'm not sure how to put it all into words.
It seems like there's never enough said.

You must feel hurt and lonely but don't worry.
I do too so you're not truly alone.

Maybe nothing I say will ever make a difference.
In the end, I only wish happiness for you,
Because I love you with all my heart

The unknown is always scary.
You may not see what lies ahead.
Embrace that moment.
Love the present.
Life is full of dark paths, turns, tunnels, and speed bumps.
Keep pressing forward.
One day we'll end up where we belong.
We'll find what we were destined to discover.

2 days

I superly love my friend/co-worker Camille.  She's an emo girl and it can be too much for me sometimes but she's a great friend.  She called me today to ask if I wasn't going to be back this coming year as an RA again.  I'm not.  I told her about the break up and she made me feel much better.

I was hitting a really bad low a few hours ago and I really wanted to see Mark.  I texted him to see if he was free and he wasn't.  He was going out to lunch with the secretary of his old work at the recycling department on campus.  He called to see if anything was wrong and I told him I missed him and wanted to see him.  He was fine with hanging with me but he didn't want me to get addicted to this "fix" while I'm hitting my depression.  I told him I'd rather get this fix than to be depressed like crazy until he leaves in a week.  He told me he'd think about it but for me to think if that's really what I wanted too.  So I took a nap... worst nap ever.  I was half awake thinking about all that's happened between us but the time flew by fast so I don't really know what was going on lol.

I filled in Camille about EVERYTHING that's happened and she said that she's an optimist this summer so she agrees with me and thinks that Mark and I just need time.  She thinks time will help bring us back together.  I think so too but it's really hard to pull myself out of the really low lows.

I'm feeling really good now after talking to Camille.  I'm sure I'll hit my low again soon but I'm good for now.

missing him

I MISS MARK!!!!!

I miss him so much.  I want to call him.  I want to see him.  I want to drive over there and tell him I love him.  I want to hug him tightly.  I want to shower him with my affection.  But I can't.  He probably wants alone time.  I keep having hopeful thoughts... like maybe he'll show up at my apartment right now and tell me he wants to be with me.... but I know it won't happen.

I keep creeping on facebook and myspace to see what he's up to.  Yeah, I'm a creepster but everyone is a little creepy sometimes so I don't care.  If he doesn't say anything to me by Monday, I'll tell him I love him and miss him.  I've been keeping myself busy with VERY expensive activities... like shopping for clothes, buying a season pass for six flags fiesta texas, driving aimlessly, and smoking hookah everynight.